I lived in Korea for 15 years so I can share with you 15 ways to live well in Korea.

First, my husband and I didn’t intend to stay 15 years in Korea. When he was offered by the company to go work for the company headquarters in Seoul, we were also just starting our married life. It was a great way to start our life together in a new country and new environment. We thought three to five years would have been enough for us.

Fast forward to fifteen years, we have adjusted well and created our own family with our two sons. Whenever I read anxieties and bitter experiences from other foreigners living in Korea, I feel bad for them. So, maybe this is a good way for me to share how I adjusted and lived well in Korea. Please read on these 15 ways to live well in Korea.

(In case you do not have the patience to read through until the 15th, here’s the video version.)

1. Do not take things personally.

This is a very useful cliche especially when you apply this in your life in South Korea. It is no secret that Korea is relatively new with regard to accepting foreigners in their country. Imagine how it was 15 years ago. These days, foreigners are a common sight but the older generation may still be living in their comfort zone and the foreigners may not be in the picture. But that doesn’t mean they hate you personally. They are just not comfortable and they don’t know how to deal with your presence. Just give it to them and let go.

And how they act isn’t because they hate you as a foreigner. A classic example is the ajumma shoving you at the subway station or at the bus stop. Do they do that because you are a foreigner or because they personally dislike you? Chances are, that’s just the way they are. We all have heard of the ppali-ppali culture of Koreans. That means they are always in a hurry to get things done. And they don’t just do that to foreigners.

2. Respect the structure. Respect the culture.

I know I was a foreigner in Korea. Regardless of the number of years I stayed there and the visa status I had, I remain a foreigner. I was a visitor. As a visitor, I was there to follow the country’s rules, respect its people and their culture. It was not in me to change their way of life. If you keep on insisting to change their way of life to how you want them to be and how things are acceptable to you, then your stay in Korea will be a daily battle. It will be a losing battle for you mentally. Visitors just don’t impose their idea of right and righteousness on their host country. Period.

3. Keep your circle small.

We have heard this several times wherever we go. Of course, there are people who thrive in big crowds. And it is normal to seek out friends and have a support system when you’re living in a different country. But remember, if your friends cease to become a part of your support system and you are also no longer one to them, it is time to let go. Let go of people who are hurting your sense of peace. Always go back to why you are there. In my case, I was in Korea as a wife and mother. Knowing my purpose made it easier to cut ties because toxicity will destroy your sense of purpose. Just hold dear those who share your values.

4. Do not fight other people’s battle.

This is very, very important. I wish my sons would learn this early on. Growing up, I hear people around me romanticize this trait. You are a great friend if you fight for your friend in need. While this is admirable, this could be self-destructive. You can be a good friend without taking up the cudgels for another. You can be supportive in a lot of other ways. But do not ever fight another person’s battle. Keep your peace.

5. Be wary of people who make their FAITH as their personal branding.

Faith is very personal. While it is sometimes admirable to preach your faith and let the world know how blessed you are, I have come to learn to go far, far away from those who make their faith their personal brand. Your faith is not your personal brand. Your faith is your relationship with God.

It is frightening to be with people who make faith their personal brand as they consciously elevate themselves spiritually over everyone else. They love the appearances of humility and docility. Before you know it, you’ve been put in a position where you are the bad person because they are the good ones who always publicly write and talk about their faith. And they are beyond reproach because they are prayerful. But terribly opportunistic when it comes to money and perceived opportunities.

Trust the alarm bells (previous conflicts with others over money and opportunities) and run away before it’s too late.

6. There will always be people who are lesser and greater than you are.

Koreans have their own pre-conception of foreigners, depending on where you come from. And so do other foreigners. And this is definitely true with fellow Filipinos as well. We tend to profile one another. The first criteria is the looks department and it could be the color of your skin, your height, and even the way you dress up. Then, the country where you come from and the kind of work that you do. This is something not good but this is something so real. How do you deal with this? I can speak for myself and I say, there are always people who are lesser and greater than we are in every department you want to look at. Does it really matter for me to lose sleep over it?

7. Trust your intuition.

Living abroad far from your family means being away from your comfort zone and the familiar and safe environment you have grown up in. It is important to trust your intuition and to constantly feel it because intuitions are mostly correct. The more you use your intuition, the sharper it becomes and it will save you from unnecessary stresses and dealings with the wrong people.

8. Volunteer Work – Know when to stop.

This was a very important lesson for me to learn.

I used to be on the go anytime, anywhere when it came to volunteer work. It did me good as I got to be exposed to other things and places and concerns aside from motherhood and family life. It did my sons good as they were happy to see me at their school actively engaging in so many things.

But, one wise fellow mom said “you’ve got to know when to stop because you’ve got to live your life beyond volunteerism”. Those wise words came at a perfect time. I came to see how others do volunteer work. Some used it to boost their career. Others were doing it only when they feel like it. I can’t blame them. Maybe, they are right to do that.

I stopped spending time on volunteer work both in my sons’ school and in my organization.

Doing volunteer work is noble and will make you happier than you currently are only if you are doing it with the right people.

9. Stand Tall. Hold your ground.

This is especially real advice for Filipinos like us who belong to third-world countries. And this is very real when you live in Korea. One, Koreans have preconceptions of almost every foreigner. For Southeast Asians, you know how the picture looks, and writing them down here isn’t nice. Second, other foreigners whether they admit it or not, also look down on Southeast Asians in general, and Filipinos in particular. In an international school setting, you can’t help notice the superiority complex of those who belong to countries with powerful passports. Of course, this is supposedly something you don’t write or talk about because belonging to an international school is supposedly an equalizer. But, consciously or not, the superiority complex of other nationalities does show.

So, stand tall. Hold your ground.

10. Run away from people (and fellow foreigners) who complain too much

There are plenty of these people who complain too much about anything and everything. To become friends with them, you have to give affirmation to their feelings and their “truth”, otherwise, you are one bad, insensitive fellow foreigner. They have to impose their standard on the host country and they can’t respect the culture of the host country because it is contrary to their standards.

You can’t do anything about these complaints and these perennial fault-finders. Run. Save your peace.

11. People have formed their biases against you. Don’t dwell on that. Let it go.

Ideally, how and what people think about us matters. Realistically, don’t let it get into you.

If you have stayed in Korea as long as I did, you would have gotten as much feedback about yourself as I did. Some of them were true, some were passed on from one mouth to another. The veracity of which depends on the passionate dislike the person has against me.

Again, let live, let go.

12. Stick to your own parenting style.

Obviously, this one is for parents. Asians are generally competitive parents. Koreans more so.

Academically, their children should be above everyone else’s. Athletically, their sons and daughters should be beyond average, no matter the child’s interest.

There are all sorts of hagwons around to cater to every subject, every sport, and every musical talent one child could muster in this lifetime. And parents do talk about these abilities and capabilities. I used to tell my husband let’s enrol our sons into this and into that. My husband is the balancer.

And there are parents who will even judge you based on how healthy or unhealthy the foods you serve to your children.

Do you.

13. Do not use your children as tools for competition.

In relation to No. 12, this extends to how talented or how capable your children are. And this is where family stress comes out. On the part of the parents and the children. There is this unwritten affirmation of how good you are as a family based on how great your children are.

Luckily, this atmosphere is not so evident in international schools. But I have seen both sides so I can confirm the push is stronger when you deal with the domestic setting.

14. Listen to your husband.

I will not argue with self-proclaimed strong, independent women. I belong to a different crowd. I choose my crowd. The women I am friends with listen to and have great respect for their husbands. We live well and we are not lesser women.

15. Learn the language of your host country.

I took big pride in the awareness that the people around me adjust to the language I am comfortable in. So, even though I did try to learn Korean, I did it half-heartedly. I survived 15 years not speaking Korean fluently. But if I have to live it all over again, I would have tried harder and didn’t rely so much on people adjusting to my comfort level.

Learn the language to get to know more the people and who knows, this may open more doors for you especially those of you who are in Korea to work and are looking for opportunities.

Speaking their language may also make you better understand the country and the people.

I didn’t speak the language but I lived there loving it and respecting them. The 15 years I lived in Korea gave me and my family a lifetime of memories to always look back on. We can do this because I know we lived fully and we lived well while in the country.

So those of you who are currently living in Korea or are planning to live in Korea, be welcoming and accepting. Don’t bring in and impose your own standards on the people and the country.

We lived well there. I am sure you can, too.

Good luck!

• Facebook
• YouTube
• Instagram
• Pinterest